Raiders of the Living Dead - Part 1 (of 9)

Raiders of the Living Dead (1986) Directed by (And stolen by): Sam Sherman This is the worst zombie movie and possibly the worst movie ever made. I cannot begin to describe in how many ways, in how many dimensions of sight and sound, why this movie is the supporting keystone AND pinnacle for all that is awful in film. You will have to take your life into your hands, pray to whatever beings you think give a damn, and just try to sit through this piece of shit without your lungs deflating from the traumatizing boredom and confusion. You are about to witness Raiders of the Living Dead. And I pity you. I haven't been the same since I saw this in 2003. --- What's wrong with part 1? Well first off I can say the music is a kick in the pants. Simply the best part (though a close race with a scene in part 2) of this movie can be experienced by watching this intro. This theme song kicks ass. It kicks your ass. Hell, it kicks everyone's ass and no one admits it, but we all see it in each other's eyes during quick glances. It dominates your brain and doesn't let you think of any other music for 2 days as it tonally fucks your ears with pure cheese, zombie lyrics and 80's rock. No other song can perilously walk the thin line between suicide-inducing pain and pure 80's horror rock, and this is only because the satanic monkey cult god-king, George Edward Ott, had this awful movie for inspiration when he wrote it. "We are Raiders of the Living Dead And now the hunted are hunting them instead Got to destroy them, master and the slave Gotta drive `em back into the grave The deeeeaaad are after meeeeee! I said, the deeeeaaad are after meeeeee!" (It should be noted this song was briefly inducted as the USSR's national anthem before the Berlin Wall fell.) Now getting past this melodic desert of soul-tainting siren song, we get to the rest of the soundtrack. If you pay careful attention to the muisc (hard to do with all these exciting suburban Canadian shots), you'll notice this epic soundtrack ranges in pieces from the best of the 70's cop show incidental music, tinkling Harry Manfredini scores, all the way to the bastard synth child of Gary Numan and Claudio Simonetti. And what's worse, the music doesn't have any pauses. Piece after piece barge right into the next salvaged tension piece, one after another. I get the feeling the music director wanted to dump all of the music into the movie as quickly as he could without having to stay present for this entire film. I don't blame him, but it only adds to the pain of Raiders... Next we have the hilarious SWAT team. I love their aprons, and the hilarious whiny tazer/fishing-line gun. Great stuff! And I love how the hostages are all too busy focusing on acting scared to react to anything, or to improvise some running away while the villain is being shocked with the taser. But alas, the actors simply didn't have the will to oppose the directing majesty of Sam Sherman (Record has it he held the entire cast hostage against their will, aside from grandpa, who was delusional and enjoyed being outside of the retirement home). Also be on the look out for classic jerky fighting, complete with staged pauses, paramount to the craft of shitty actors. I could go on. Really I could, but part 2 has just as much shit to moan about... You were warned.

Author: MonkeyMechX2
Keywords: zombies gore blood guts confusing awful b-movie bad grade cheesy 1980s 1986 movie horror 80s
Added: January 17, 2008